The Batman Trilogy

As dawn approaches on a chilly Canberra morning, I am sitting here wired after my 9 hour Batman marathon has come to an end. The experience of watching the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy back to back over this night has left me with a new appreciation of the brilliance of this masterful director but it also reminded me why I usually avoid midnight screenings. This review will recap the films in order ending with the latest release [N.B. This review does not contain any plot spoilers if you wish to see the film].

Batman Begins

A small but stunning performance by Katie Holmes

Going into the first film of the trilogy I was a little hesitant. I missed this film at the cinemas when it was first released and had only watched it on DVD. Unfortunately, I found my DVD viewing of the film a disappointment with the plot seemingly laborious and the acting only mediocre. However, the cinema experience of this film changed my impression drastically. On the big screen with surround sound, the action sequences come to life more explosively and create that arm chair thrill ride Nolan is renowned for. This is particularly evident in the finale in which Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) and Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson) battle through a speeding train carriage to save Gotham city. Moreover, the performance of Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes has a subtlety and innocence to it that makes her brief appearances powerful. This film though still disappoints in its comparatively looser plotting and unfortunate one-liners. The circular structure of the narrative, going back and forth in time for the maturing Bruce Wayne, leaves sections feeling flat and although some may argue this heightens the action sequences, it ultimately means it lacks the immediacy and intensity of its successors. Also, the attempts at humour during some of the action sequences are below par compared to the rest of the film and only serve to highlight the flaws in this film. Overall though, when seen in relation to The Dark Knight, this is a solid start to the trilogy and creates a strong foundation for the films that follow. Bruce Wayne/Batman is presented as a conflicted but virtuous and noble hero for a new age and the film takes Batman from shallow comic book hero to a complex hero for our uncertain times.

The Dark Knight

Heath Ledger shines as the Joker

After a quick coffee break, thanks to the young man in Koko Black who kindly rushed our order and allowed us to pay him rather than the cashier, I returned for the second instalment in the trilogy. This time I had none of the concerns that accompanied my approach to Batman Begins. The Dark Knight is one of the reasons I have become such as huge Christopher Nolan fan and it is a film and DVD that I have seen and enjoyed multiple times. The accomplishments of the film are many: an eerie and haunting musical score, an outstanding performance by Heath Ledger as the Joker, a gripping plot and spectacular cinematography. In fact, the cinema experiences heightened the sense of dread and darkness this film created as the Joker’s seemingly unstoppable crusade against Gotham was carried out. In particular, the musical score by James Newton Howard and Hans Zimmer really stand out as essential to the film’s success. Also, the tight plot structure makes it stand out from its fellow films in that we can focus intently on the two main actors: the excellent Heath Ledger and intense Christian Bale. Of the two, Heath Ledger really does steal the show with his performance. There is a chill you feel when he tells one of his many version of how he got his facial scars and his reactions when being interrogated by Batman in the police station almost make you wonder if he did in fact go insane performing the role. Finally, the dramatic end with the boats and Batman’s exile lend a serious and thoughtful end to this rollercoaster ride of a movie.

The Dark Knight Rises

Bane vs Batman is a gripping battle

Three weeks later...

I have just returned home from seeing the film for the second time. It would be remiss of me to not mention this fact in case you thought all 3 reviews were written on the night. Although this was the plan, sheer tiredness got the better of me. Moreover, I wanted to appreciate the film while being more awake as the move marathon made following Bane’s speech hard enough let alone the plot twists.

Firstly, Nolan does not disappoint with this final instalment of the trilogy. For all the criticisms that can be made about the film, and there are some legitimate ones, this is the epic masterpiece the series deserved. Not only does the film successfully tie together the storylines from the first two films but gives Batman/Bruce Wayne the ending he deserves. In fact, this is one of the major strengths of the film and further proves the masterful work of Nolan as a director.

This success however can lead to one of the major criticisms of the film: its length. At nearly three hours this is a long film and requires a bit of concentration. It also helps to be well versed in the previous instalments as the references back to the other two films are pivotal to the plot twists. Thus, as a standalone film this does not stand up well and can make it inaccessible for some viewers.

However, this criticism misses the point that this is the last film in a trilogy and needs to be viewed in these terms. The length is a result of the need to tie up all the loose ends that the first two films introduced and without the flashbacks the character development doesn’t have the same emotional impact. Take for instance the role of Commissioner Gordon, his influence in this film is comparatively smaller compared to the previous two films but his seeming betrayal and redemption are meaningless without this background. A similar argument can be made for the role of Alfred, who once again has a much smaller role in the final film.

Moreover, the set piece action sequences need to be seen in the cinema to be fully appreciated. The opening sequence with the aeroplane jacking and the football field collapse are breath taking and remind me of some of the great sequences from The Dark Knight. Similarly, the sequences in the pit are intense and gritty: giving the viewer to a fuller appreciation of Bane’s motivation. Thus, Nolan gives us a well rounded bad guy in Bane that makes his battle with Batman even more intense.

Lastly, the film is an epic and should be forgiven its faults because of this. Thinking back on some of the greatest films of all time, such as Gone with the Wind and Citizen Kane, these too are long and could be argued to be boring in parts but the epic nature of these films requires of the viewer to accept this as part of the viewing experience. Now, it is clearly a bit early to compare this film to these certified greats but as a trilogy goes this has already begun to cement itself as an all time favourite. Nolan is already recognised as one of the most influential directors of his generation and this series has proven why.

Money in the Bank 2012

I was the special guest referee and called the match down the line. Surprised?

Just one year ago...

Money in the Bank 2011 was such a game changer for WWE. Bryan came from nowhere to win Smackdown MIB and the IWC dared to dream that Vince might actually put a genuine wrestler (not a body builder) over as champion. Henry continued on his path of destruction that would lead to his dominant title reign. But most importantly Punk beat Cena and apparently left the WWE. While Ring of Honour wanted its storyline back, there was a genuine excitement that someone apart from Cena was champion and that we could see something different.

A year on the situation is eerily similar. This time Punk is the boring champion many people want to see defeated with Bryan as the popular challenger. Also, the RAW MIB match will similarly fail to elevate the winner but that happens when you populate the match only with former champions. Unfortunately, the world heavyweight championship is clearly less exciting than the Christian/Orton feud of last year but this is once again a result of poor booking for Sheamus/ADR.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match for a World Championship Contract (Damien Sandow, Tyson Kidd, Intercontinental Champion Christian, United States Champion Santino Marella, Tensai, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, and Sin Cara)

Prediction: This could be the most entertaining match of the night as it has a good mix of big guys, such as Sandow and Tensai, along with smaller guys, like Kidd and Sin Cara. On the other hand, there seems to be a few too many contestants thus making it hard to develop or follow any in-match storylines. Moreover, apart from Cody or Christian, I can’t see any of these guys being legitimate champions if they cash in briefcase – yes, Ziggler is not a legitimate champion because he has lost so many championship matches (one every 2/3 weeks).

Match: Tensai dominated early before Kidd and Christian team up on him with a ladder. Ziggler and Rhodes battle in the ring over a ladder before Sin Cara eliminates both of them. Christian misses a top rope splash on Kidd, who is prone on the ladder. Looks like Santino messed up a power bomb off the ladder by Tensai then missed the subsequent splash onto the people on the outside. Sandow and Christian try to climb over each other to get to the briefcase. Christian spears Sandow into the ladder. Rhodes and Ziggler battle on the ladder before Tensai takes control and almost every other competitor is required to stop him. Cobra on Ziggler but Santino apparently has vertigo (one questions why he would enter the match in the first place) allowing Rhodes to knock him off. Vickie distracts Rhodes and allows Ziggler to climb the ladder but Christian stops him. Kidd launches a ladder at Christian/Ziggler and power bombs Ziggler off the ladder. Tensai bombs Sin Cara onto a ladder set up on the announce table then hip tosses Ziggler into the barricade. Rhodes plants front Kidd with a front face suplex off the ladder in the ring as Christian spears Rhodes off the same ladder. Ziggler out of nowhere knocks off Christian (who for an experienced ladder match participant seemed particularly inept at climbing the ladder and retrieving the briefcase).

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

A not totally surprising result in this match and the match itself was pretty good. There were a couple of really good spots with Tensai and Christian but Santino was pathetic and Sin Cara again did nothing special. I wonder whether they might make a genuine attempt to build up Ziggler or will they continue to book him to look weak. I would have preferred to see Rhodes get the opportunity but then Ziggler has been performing solidly losing championship matches over the last few months.  

Sheamus interview with Josh Matthews. Sheamus shuts down JM’s questions on Ziggler and talks about cars. The extended metaphor here is that Sheamus is an old clunker that gets from A to B while ADR will be scrap metal.

The Miz returns from a 2 month absence – unfortunately I didn’t notice or mind that he was gone. A Miz is awesome chant starts up and he actually has some crowd support. He claims he doesn’t need to brag and instead he will enter the RAW MIB match, which is a good thing in this writer’s opinion.

Mick Foley’s favourite RAW moment was winning the title from the Rock.

World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Prediction: I haven’t really been interested in this rivalry as they pushed Sheamus too early as champion. Similarly, ADR has been champion and lost it so quickly that the whole destiny thing sounds like hot air. Sheamus has been rolling through the likes of Ziggler lately and I can see him beating ADR here for the win thus setting up a rematch for next PPV.

Match: ADR reminds Sheamus of his bad arm before Sheamus dumps him out of the ring. The ref seems a bit eager to break these two up as they brawl in the middle of the ring. ADR keeps going for the arm bar allowing Sheamus to get in some hard shots. ADR misses the biggest slow motion baseball slide in history before he is suplexed back into the ring. Ricardo distracts Sheamus and allows ADR to get in a head kick before throwing Sheamus into the ring steps and barricades. ADR then refocuses on the arm of Sheamus with submission holds and body shots. Sheamus fights out of the arm lock and hits a swinging neck breaker on ADR. Sheamus is launched into the ring post and gets his arm wrapped around it. ADR misses a cross arm breaker but Sheamus launches himself into another attack on his injured left arm. Sheamus hits a running knee and a slam leading into his patented chest strikes. ADR hits an arm ringer on the ropes but Sheamus responds with the Irish curse back breaker. Carlito rang and wants his backstabber finishing move back ADR. ADR misses a slow motion head kick allowing Sheamus to hit white noise and sets up for the brogue kick. 1... 2... 3... and Sheamus retains the title.

Winner: Sheamus

Commentary claims that Sheamus looked strong in overcoming the odds and ADRs offense. Once again he looked like the lesser man and he is becoming the new Cena: get beaten up for most of the match, Irish curse, white noise, brogue kick and the 3 count. He has now held the title for over 100 days since defeating Bryan at WM and isn’t any more convincing then when he started. Don’t get me wrong, I like Sheamus and think he will be the future of the WWE but he needs to look smoother in big matches as some spots in this championship match were very amateurish.

Ricardo and ADR attacked Sheamus after the match. Ziggler comes out to try and cash in his briefcase but gets a brogue kick for his trouble. Surprise, surprise: WWE give Ziggler the MIB briefcase and they immediately book him to look like an idiot. In fact, he is lucky not to be the first person to NOT win the title after cashing in MIB. Well done WWE!

Josh Matthews interview Daniel Bryan. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Random Tag Team Match: Epico/Primo vs. Young/O’Neal

Match: KofiTruth are ringside for this match dressed in suits. A couple of high flying spots from Epico/Primo but Truth talking with Little Jimmy on commentary are competing for my interest. The idiot manager (AW?) doing running commentary is grating and is beginning to distract from some good wrestling. AW called Primo “Taco bell” so it is good to see that WWE continue to promote racist stereotypes. Primo does some actual wrestling but everyone is so bored by this point that even the commentators have stopped paying attention. Primo rolls up Young after Young hits his finisher.

Winner: Epico/Primo

This is the reason why the tag team division is a joke. You have a tag team match that had some good wrestling in it but it is over shadowed by AW doing commentary, Rosa dancing (not bad but still not wrestling) and R-Truth talking to an imaginary person on commentary.

Young and O’Neal get in KofiTruth’s face after the match as they whinge about losing. KofiTruth gives AW a face full of water and he decides to take off his shoes to fight (not a typo – he keeps his jacket on but removes his shoes to have a fight!). Best part of the match is here where Truth restrains Little Jimmy (imaginary friend) from going after AW.

WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan (Random Stipulation: No DQ)

Prediction: The whole AJ situation makes this a little unpredictable. The fact that Punk is close to holding the title for nearly a year indicates that he might hold it a bit longer. I would like to see Bryan win for a bit of a change as Punk as champion has definitely gone stale.

Match: Michael Cole announces the match is now no DQ: why? No explanation but I think it has something to do with Ziggler holding the MIB briefcase. Punk has surpassed HBK’s 1996 reign and is 17^th all time with Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan in his sights. Will he make it?

Punk uses kicks and slaps to take control early before Bryan launched him into the barricade. Bryan targets Punk’s arm/wrist and hits some yes kicks. Bryan rakes Punk’s face on the top rope. Both men exchange kicks and high flying moves. Bryan bumps Punk into AJ and she is knocked out. AJ is escorted to the back after Bryan runs Punk into the steel steps. Flying knee and a front face suplex onto to steel steps by Bryan. Punk launches Bryan over the barricade and gains the upper hand on the outside. We want tables chant and Punk obliges. Bryan slams Punk on the outside and stalks him with a kendo stick but misses. Bryan eventually gets Punk with the kendo stick as he comes off the top rope. Bryan continues the attack on the mat and gets a 2 count. Bryan misses the flying head strike off the top rope. Punk hits some kicks and a neck breaker for a 2 count. Punk lands the power slam and calls for the GTS but Bryan counters twice – the second into a 2 count before a head kick followed up by kendo shots and a surfboard submission. Punk uses the kendo stick to break the hold and bash Bryan’s head for a 2 count. Superplex off the top rope and both men are down as AJ the special guest referee returns. AJ has a chair and is deciding what to do with it. She puts it in the middle of the ring and both scramble to reach it. Bryan lands 4 massive chair shots to Punk’s back and only gets a 2 count. Bryan begs AJ for the 3 count and it allows Punk to roll him up for a 2 count. Bryan hits the yes kicks in the corner but Punk lands a massive clothesline. Punk returns the favour with 3 massive chair shots and sets up the chair in the corner. AJ blocks Punk’s move to whip Bryan into the chair and allows Bryan to regain the advantage. But then AJ stops Bryan from getting the kendo stick and Punk gets Bryan with a head shot. Slam onto the chair but Bryan rolls out of the top rope elbow. Bryan tries to lock in the yes lock and does so using the kendo stick. Punk launches Bryan into the ring post and hits the GTS for a... 2 count! Punk’s turn to look disappointed with AJ as Bryan begins to stir. Punk gets his table from the outside and is knocked off the top rope as he goes to put Bryan through it with an elbow. Bryan goes up to the top rope too but is crotched by Punk. Punk then back suplexes Bryan off the top rope and through the table for the 3 count and the win.

Winner: CM Punk

Frustrating result! Bryan was the better wrestler throughout and once again has to take the loss. Punk is now officially the new super-Cena with his seemingly inevitable victories. This was another great match but the ending was too predictable. I am so sick of Punk winning all the time that I hate him as much as I hated Cena. Why don’t we just skip the whole main event match and make Punk champion for life! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Random Ryback Match: Ryback vs. Hawkins/Reks

Match: Booker T discusses how a loss to Hawreks would put their careers back a long way. I am preparing for their careers to be put back a long way. Goldberg chants throughout the match. A decent amount of offense before Ryback wins.

Winner: Ryback

Random Diva Match: Layla, Kaitlyn and Tamina vs. Beth Phoenix, Natalya and Eve

Match: Another filler match. It all broke down at the end with Layla catching Beth by surprise.

Winner: Layla, Kaitlyn and Tamina

Money in the Bank Ladder Match for a WWE Championship Contract (Big Show, Kane, Chris Jericho and John Cena plus extra Miz)

Prediction: This has the possibility of being the worst match on the card for one simple reason – too many big guys! Show and Kane work well with smaller guys in a match like this but they only have Jericho to dance with. Cena is ok in one-on-one ladder matches but then he has always had top talent like Edge to make him look good. As for the winner, it could be any of them but I think Kane is the least likely as he won last year along with Jericho as he is leaving for a concert tour with Fozzy.

Match: Show and Cena go after each other from the start. Miz tries to sneak up the ladder but Cena then Show stop him. Show rebuffs attacks from Kane, Miz and Jericho with ease in the middle of the ring before getting a code breaker from Jericho, DDT from Miz and a big boot from Kane. Cena puts Show through the Spanish announce table with an AA before everyone buries Show under a pile of ladders. Jericho and Miz battle in the ring with Jericho locking the walls on Miz. Jericho catapults Miz into a ladder in the corner of the ring. Cena blocks Jericho from climbing the ladder but Miz takes out Cena with a DDT. Kane literally throws a ladder at Miz who had a hand on the briefcase. Miz and Jericho double suplex Kane onto a ladder before Cena takes them both out. He then performs a stupid looking double 5 knuckle shuffle on the prone Miz/Jericho on the ladder. Jericho dismantles some ladders and retrieves another one from outside the ring. Big Show emerges from the mountain of steel ladders to rip a ladder in half and punish Jericho then Kane then Miz. Finally, he beats on Cena with heavy body shots. Show retrieves his special gold and black giant ladder from under the ring then begins the slow climb to the top. Kane gets a WMD for interfering and Cena a head shot for his troubles. Jericho stops the giant with multiple chair shots. Jericho locks a sleep on Cena at the top of the ladder but Cena refuses to pass out. Jericho finally drops the sleepy Cena off the ladder. Miz and Jericho battle over the briefcase at the top of the ladder. Show uses the WMD to knock Jericho and Miz off the ladder. Cena then bashes Show’s head in with the briefcase until it comes off the hook.

Winner: John Cena

So Cena wins the MIB at his first attempt (mock surprise mixed with a massive sigh of inevitability). A great match with Jericho and Miz the stand out performers. Does this mean we have a repeat of Cena and Punk from last year? I hope not because I won’t know who to boo more.

Why people without an education degree like Salman Khan should stop talking about things they know very little about

Did you know... making money from hedge funds qualifies you to say anything you like about education despite how ridiculous it actually is!

Stop the presses! Salman Khan has saved children the world over from the boring educational model that has tortured and held back society for the last 800 years. Yes, the same education system that has helped produce vaccines, space programs, new computer technology and environmentally friendly energy can be done away with because we have... YouTube?

Please forgive my exuberance but there is nothing that annoys me quite as much as the latest saviour of education. In the Time magazine article suitably titled “Reboot the School” it unquestioningly heaps praise upon the “revolutionary” new way of schooling promoted by Salman Khan the “most famous teacher ever to appear on a Web browser.” Citing the success stories from the numerous schools that have employed his YouTube videos, it goes as far to suggest that he is reinventing the teaching wheel from its roots 800 years ago. In short, Khan gets the kids to watch his YouTube videos at home so he can work with them one on one during school time. Overwhelming isn’t it! I had never thought that watching a YouTube video could be so powerful.

Before I criticise “Bill Gate’s favourite teacher” further (you see, having a lot of money makes you more of an expert on education than say a PhD or a Masters or years of ACTUALLY TEACHING!), I will give him credit for his approach. Learning at home and then focus on personalised tuition during class time is a great way for children to learn. Moreover, using YouTube as a way to connect with children is also a clever use of the technology and might be more engaging with traditional classroom methods. But here’s the thing Salman... teachers are already doing this. Ignoring the one eyed and under researched crap published by Time, most teachers now employ this very method on a daily basis in schools across the world with similarly strong results. The difference is that we don’t make self serving YouTube videos about it or have rich people sing our praises.

However, Salman seems to be missing one really big problem with his plan: he assumes the motivated children he works with are the norm. The thing is, if Salman bothered to work a day of his life in an actual school and not ear bash us from the comfort and wealth of his hedge fund income (yes, he is one of those rich, selfish people who helped plunge the world economy into a freefall so that he could continue to be paid massive bonuses from hard working peoples pension funds – sorry for the generalisation but he seems to have no issue generalising about my job!) then he would realise that not everyone wants to learn at home before they come to school. In fact, if I gave my students YouTube homework to do and expected to continue teaching from it the next lesson I would be fired for not doing my job because in the real world most students need to be lectured occasionally because they are not self motivated learners (not to mention that they would be paying more attention to their Facebook status or Twitter feed rather than watching the YouTube video but then again Salman teaches only the most excellent, role model students doesn’t he?). The reasons schools keep kids in classrooms and regulate them with bells and homework is to improve their self regulation and make them learn important skills for society. If we let every child learn at their own pace then I could name any number of my students who would choose to learn nothing at all!

Also, Salman has the comfort of teaching a small number of students in a well funded and high tech school. Once again, if Salman bothered to work in the ACTUAL EDUCATION SYSTEM that lacks comfortable rooms with computer let alone high speed internet to download his YouTube videos, he might see that on a mass level this sort of system does not work. At a small scale this is wonderful but if you try implementing it at a national level and it would be a very different story. Moreover, he assumes that everyone has access to computers and internet and will spend time at home using this for educational purposes. Try telling that to the students I know who need to feed, bathe or put to bed younger sibling or parents or who have to hold down a job to put food on the table. Not to worry, they can watch the YouTube videos at midnight when they should be sleeping!

Finally, it is people like Salman who make the job of regular teachers even harder. If he had his way, we would be paid less because we would be replaced by YouTube videos and computers. Furthermore, he ignores the point that schooling is more than just entertaining kids with YouTube videos. Schooling serves other purposes than just teaching concepts, it teachers social skills such as learning to sit quietly while someone is talking to you (yes, lecturing does have a role). Meanwhile, he deludes himself into thinking that his YouTube video is somehow better or more sophisticated – it’s just lecturing through the internet or is he so self conceited that he fails to see this. Moreover, his lessons only skim surface concepts (7.5 minutes on Art History sounds in depth to me!) and so his fancy tests would only reveal the fact that students can name basic concepts or explain them at a basic level. Thus, a world led by Salman would be full of even shallower students with no in depth knowledge that comes from years of experience – that’s right, the knowledge that comes from teaching the material for years on end. Finally, he would encourage students to become even more insular and internet dependent thus creating a generation that is more emotionally childish and lacking in social skills.

So I am off to write my resignation letter because Salman has shown me the future and I realise that my expertise and ability to deal with up to 30 children at a time is no longer needed because of the internet and YouTube. Who cares about qualifications, training, expertise in child psychology, expertise in your field of knowledge or knowing how to deal with the 30 individuals that populate your classroom? Salman will be able to cover all that in a 5 minute YouTube video that will be posted next week.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly a.k.a. thank goodness for Charlize Theron

The Good: The Avengers

I wonder if the bad guys will wait around for us to kill them?

Let me start by saying that I am not a comic book fan. I’ve never really collected a super hero comic and I couldn’t even finish Jonathan Lethem’s The Fortress of Solitude. Accordingly, my interest in the DC and Marvel comic movies has nothing to do with their accuracy or trueness to the original series. So I approached the latest instalment of the comic series with the expectation of an entertaining action film.

As far as the cast is concerned this does not disappoint. The nature of the film doesn’t require any in depth characterisation and their interactions are amusing if brief. The cast of misfits are predictably raucous in their efforts to stop the bad guy and only pull it together at the last moment. The pacing is good for the most part and moves through the predictable plot points smoothly.

The main problem with this film is the final massive battle sequence. Interestingly, most people I have spoken to loved this part but I found it tedious and drawn out. The sheer stupidity of the bad guys to restrict themselves to a 10 block radius and letting the good guys pick them off one by one is just the start of the issues. The length of this scene was mind numbing and I found myself checking my watch awaiting its predictable end. Also, the fact that the 2 human and unarmed heroes are able to survive against laser armed flying machines defies belief.

Overall, this is a solid instalment in the comic movie series. The action is fast and frequent with the appropriate amount of comedy. The ending is a little drawn out for my liking but doesn’t detract from this entertaining movie.

The Bad: Prometheus and Snow White and the Huntsman

This is a good Ridley Scott film worth seeing. Forget Prometheus ever existed.

Thank goodness for Charlize Theron. She is the saving grace of both these atrocious films that prove that using a tried and true formula does not guarantee quality.

Firstly to Prometheus and Ridley Scott’s massive faux pas. The major issue I had with this film is that the previews made it look so good. The suspense and air of excitement made me keen to see it and thus only heightened my disappointment at what it had to offer. After a solid start and our introduction to the alien landscape, the film descends into a series of ridiculous plot jumps that leaves the viewer wondering if aliens removed Scott’s brain during post-production. The stock standard sci-fi characters start making the dumbest decisions ever and acting like manic depressives with mood swings the size of the Milky Way. One of my favourites was when Charlie (the lead male scientists) decides to take up drinking just because the aliens have the same DNA. Just think about it: you literally landed on this intergalactic planet 6 hours ago and after one look at the alien life forms you decide that it has all been a bust. The other was when Elizabeth (the lead female scientists) miraculously recovers from a mini-circular saw cutting through her stomach to remove an alien to be able to hurdle rock falls and sudden ravines in the film’s final scenes.

The one good thing about this film was the work of Charlize Theron as Captain Vickers and Michael Fassbender as David. These two rescue this ridiculous story line with some strong performances that are actually believable and realistic. Although their subplot is as subtle as the US government’s attempts to extradite Julian Assange, they manage to create an interesting dynamic that kept this reviewer at least partially interested.

Snow White and the Huntsman is as bad as Prometheus but in an entirely different way. It seems that someone thought that if Kristen Stewart just continued acting as if she were in Twilight and Chris Hemsworth continued acting like Thor and they had a lot of special effects then everything would take care of itself. Throw in a mixed bag of fairy tale characters and a convoluted plot that went for 30 minutes too long and you have this piece of rubbish. In fact, one of the scenes in the film summed it up best. Hemsworth and Stewart and travelling through the dark woods, as they do because the all powerful king killing morphing queen is too lazy to just kill Snow White herself, and they encounter a troll acting like a bridge. Just as the troll is about to kill Hemsworth he stares at Stewart for what seems 10 minutes before walking off seemingly depressed. Maybe like the rest of the audience he too had had enough of Stewart from Twilight.

Once again, the only good thing about this film was Charlize Theron. Her evil witch character is far more engaging than Stewart’s Snow White and she actually shows a range of emotions, unlike Stewart’s pained expression throughout. That being said, nothing can rescue this piece of crap that plods from obvious plot point to obvious plot point and ends not soon enough.

The Ugly: The 5 Year Engagement

Maybe they were as disappointed as I was?

Jason Segel is not a pretty man. In fact, his continued presence in movie comedies always comes as a surprise to me as he is neither attractive nor particularly funny. His latest offering is not that much different and is downright indifferent.

Romantic comedies have a certain story arc that makes them a staple of the movie business. This in itself is not a bad thing and allows the viewer to have certain expectations about what they are paying their money for. The 5 Year Engagement does not try to deviate too much from this formula. You have the happy couple, numerous comedic interruptions, the inevitable break up and the final heart warming reunion. This is all performed serviceably by Segal and Emily Blunt with the supporting cast suitably weird, aggressive or creepy in their roles.

The disappointment with this film is that it is so predictable and reliable in its story arc that I almost felt cheated for having to pay to see it. Compared to something like Friends with Benefits, which is predictable but has enough surprises to keep it fresh (not to mention Mila Kunis), this seems like a cookie cutter film done in someone’s spare time. Moreover, the messages about women’s careers and small towns can’t help but seem old fashioned and out of date.

Overall, this is a standard offering that lacks any spark to separate it from the plethora of romantic comedies released this year. I would say that it would be worth seeing on DVD but then again, I would rather re-watch Friends with Benefits.

No Way Out 2012

You see this title? No one is ever going to win it off me... remind you of someone I once claimed was ruining wrestling. That's right folks: you spell hypocrisy h....

Video package: Big Show is an angry giant that likes People Power, it’s a shame Vince slept during that bit. On a side note, I used to think that WWE was about holding the world or heavyweight title but it seems these are mid-card trinkets for those that still focus on wrestling.

World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Does anyone seriously think Ziggler will win this? The man lost PPV after PPV to Rey Mysterio for the intercontinental title and only held this title for half an hour after Edge was unfairly stripped of it. The replay of Ziggler screwing over Swagger perhaps indicates the way in which he can once again lose a title match.

Nearly a repeat of WM28 but Ziggler rolls out of the way. Sheamus uses his power to dominate early while Ziggler attempts a sleeper. Brief offense by Ziggler in the ropes before he is once again rag dolled. Ziggler uses the ring post to get in some head shots and a 2 count. Head stand rear neck and choke: apparently it puts more pressure on Sheamus but Ziggler would need to have the hold on properly for that to occur. Yet another massive DDT for a 2 count on the resilient Sheamus. Ziggler caught holding onto the ropes and yet another head shot for a near fall. Crappy chain wrestling as Ziggler avoids white noise into the zigzag for a 2.5 count. Competing chants with an audible Ziggler chant surprising. Sheamus kicks out of a top rope slam but Ziggler has an injured knee. Irish curse, white noise and a brogue kick for the win!

Winner: Sheamus

“Ziggler was game here tonight.” It’s amazing how many times I have heard that about Ziggler but he is still not a legitimate world champion in any one’s eyes. Dolph looked good losing to Sheamus but he has had so many matches like this that I wonder if anyone will ever buy him winning the title for real. Sheamus looks good as champion and his future match with Del Rio should be interesting.

Big Johnny chatting to Vince about tonight’s main event. Josh gets a mouthful as Big Johnny blows off steam. His red, white and blue suit looks fetching.

Tuxedo Match: Santino vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Santino has a title. Wow! I remember when Benoit had a great series of matches against Booker T for the US title. I think this was the last time the title was relevant.

Suit off in the middle of the ring. Cole is discussing previous tuxedo matches with a mock seriousness. Santino lands a couple of wrestling moves. I wonder, can you use weapons legally? Ricardo’s shoes apparently are the real WMD. Boring chants from the audience, couldn’t agree more folks. Ricardo receives a foot cobra before losing his pants and Santino wins.

Winner: Santino

The less said about this crap the better. I’m glad they didn’t draw it out like Cena’s match last month.

I dig crazy chicks t-shirt worn by Punk. Punk is focused on his title, Bryan and Kane not AJ but she still gives him a kiss anyway. Matt Striker digs this crazy chick it seems.

Intercontinental Match: Christian vs. Cody Rhodes

This is a rematch from last month as they battle for the pride of the title. It should be a good match with two decent technical wrestlers. I love seeing Christian back and he is much better as a face than a heel.

Mistake by Christian on the outside allows Cody to target Christian’s elbow. Ring post into Christian’s face and back to a key lock on the injured elbow. Another hard fall as Christian continues to take a ton of punishment in this match. A massive DDT to Cody on the floor by Christian. Cody rolls through a cross body for a 2 count. Top rope hurricanrana by Christian for a 2 count. Alabama slam stacked up into a 2 count for Cody. Christian calls for a spear so Cody exits the ring. Cody kicks out of the kill switch – do I sense a title change? Series of missed beautiful disaster kicks by Cody and kill switches by Christian leads to a spear for the win.

Winner: Christian

Entertaining and fast paced as you would expect from these two. Good back and forth action with some nice reversals and a clever finish to the match. What does this means for Cody? Probably it is back to the mid-card and obscurity for the formerly dashing one. I hope not because he is a good heel that deserves his spot. Christian rolls on as champion.

Fatal 4 way match to become the #1 Contender for the WWE Tag Team Title: Primo/Epico vs. Kidd/Gabriel vs. O’Neil/Young vs. Usos

I hope this indicates a new seriousness about tag team action but none of these teams are particularly strong. Kidd is good but that was as the new Hart dynasty.

Blind tag for Epico as the Usos continues to dominate. This reminds me of a good fatal 4 way title match at a WM in which Booker T/RVD defended the titles successfully. Gabriel is getting beaten up by all the other teams for a few near falls – I bet it reminds him of his Nexus and Corre days as an underling for Barrett and Punk. Most entertaining thing so far is Rosa dancing – yawn. Things break down leaving Kidd, Young and Primo as only legal men. Hurricanrana by Kidd to Primo onto everyone else was entertaining. O’Neil and Young pull a swift one by screwing Primo/Epico and giving Young the win. AW gets a beat down for his trouble. Young and O’Neil beat down Primo/Epico for their trouble.

Winner: O’Neil/Young

I wonder if I was meant to be shocked by the ending. Maybe if they kept teams together for long enough people would start to care again about the tag division.

HHH speaks: first a recap on Brock breaking HHHs arm, time to play the game, remembering HHHs greatest No Way Out matches as Booker T says even more nice things about him (NB: how could Booker T be watching HHH in the attitude era when WCW was airing live at the same time?), HHH has a real job now with added law suits (funny they have an actual law suit with TNA at the moment), I think HHH wants to fight Brock with his good arm at Summerslam (if only law suits were settled this way in real life: Peter Slipper wrestling for a sexual harassment suit might be a bit awkward though), HHH repeats “let’s fight” over and over before calling Lesnar a quitter, will he accept? Of course, why else would HHH waste my time during this PPV.

AJ chats with Daniel “Yes, yes, yes!” Bryan. A good luck peck on the cheek for him as well.

Divas Title: Layla vs. Beth

Layla spent the match running away and countering Beth’s strength. Beth should have won with a slam but Layla lands a DDT out of nowhere for the win.

Winner: Layla

Beth loses again as she awaits Karma’s return. Hopefully Layla improves so that her chain wrestling looks more convincing.

AJ looks for Kane. A good luck peck on the cheek turns into a make out session. AJ looks a little shaken from the experience (maybe she can speak to Lita about her experience).

I used to wear a mask vs. I still wear a mask match: Hunico vs. Sin Cara

Hunico grounds Sin Cara for the most part and gets a few near falls after power bombs. Sin Cara hits some offense but looks a bit sluggish. Eventually a hurricanrana type move gets the win.

Winner: Sin Cara

Cole calls this a big win. So beating the guy who can beat Ted DiBiase is classed as big now... need to mull that one over a bit.

WWE Championship Match: CM Punk (CMP) vs. Daniel Bryan (DB) vs. Kane (K)

Recap of Over the Limit and Bryan’s rant. Punk digs crazy chicks and AJ likes a bit of Kane. This should be a good match with Punk/Daniel Bryan’s technical skills complemented by Kane’s power. The AJ factor will be interesting but I hope it is not too predictable.

K is out first with his creepy mask on, followed by DB to a giant yes chant and a huge pop for CMP. I can’t stand that they claim he is controversial when he is so corporate now. He is the man he set out to bring down which makes this whole act sad. Main event introductions for the 2 men and the monster. CMP is a clear crowd favourite based on the chants. CMP and DB attack K with kicks in the middle of the ring. Yes/No chants as CMP and DB got at it. Suicide dive by DB onto K on the outside. CMP then follows up with a big cross body. K punished CMP and DB on the outside, stretching CMP’s ribs out on the ring post. K works over CMP’s ribs in the middle of the ring as DB recoups on the outside. DB attacks K and CMP like a dynamo before kicking Ks face off. CMP and K fight to see who will superplex DB off the top rope. DB hits a double drop kick on both of them. CMP gets some brief offense on DB and K. CMP clotheslines DB off K’s shoulders. Macho elbow on DB for a 2 count. K stops the  GTS on DB and takes control of CMP. Flying head but by DB on CMP and low bridges K out of the ring. Yes lock on CMP but roll through doesn’t work this time and turns it into a GTS. K attempts a choke slam but CMP reverses it into a DDT and follows up with another Macho elbow. Failed GTS leads to a choke slam and a 2 count for K. CMP pushes K into AJ. K is distracted by the fallen AJ and a GTS for the 3 count.

Winner: CM Punk

CM Punk complained that WWE was boring because Cena won all the time. Does he realise how boring it is since he wins all the time? Bryan would do well with the title as would Kane. Kane carries out AJ as Punk celebrates. My excitement at Punk’s title reign from last year is now officially over as he has allowed himself to become the boring company man he claimed to detest. Best in the world he may be but can we see someone else for a while.

Squash Match: Ryback vs. Two Singing Dudes

Goldberg... calls one of them stupid. Please end this now. A double Samoan drop by Ryback because he is hungry and it’s all over.

Winner: Ryback

Not sure why this is a PPV match when it is the same as on TV. Can he face a mid-card guy soon?

Steel Cage Match: John Cena (JC) vs. Big Show (BS) (Big Johnny or Cena will be fired)

Recap video that seems very similar to the opening video. Big Johnny is out first followed by Big Show. Vince is out next with a confident swagger. Cena is last out and he repeats the name of the PPV and stipulation for those who didn’t know.

BS lets JC run into him and does himself more damage. BS rag dolls JC around the ring dominating. JC just trying to escape as Cole/Booker discuss TV ratings: best to not mention RAW ratings from a couple of weeks ago then. BS tells JC to quit as he lands heavy body shots over and over. Yawn. BS crotched on the top rope, allowing JC to hit a flying shoulder block. JC fails to escape again. Vader bomb time... JC kicks out at 2. BS misses a top rope elbow on JC. JC stops BS from exiting by the door then vice versa. JC gets a 2 count on BS. Big Johnny and Vince fight on the outside as JC is about to escape. JC kicks out of a choke slam. BS hits a WMD on the referee then a WMD on JC but no one to count it. Brodus Clay with a steel chair wants to welcome BS out of the ring. BSs victims start making their way from the back and get knocked down one by one. Kofi eventually knocks BS off the top rope. JC hits the AA on BS but no referee to count it. JC falls out of the cage as Brodus restrains Big Johnny.

Winner: John Cena

AA to Big Johnny on the table as Vince gives him the big “you’re fired”. A pretty boring match, 2 in a row for Cena, and this stupid series of matches is over. Does this mean Cena can chase the WWE title again? Maybe CM Punk and he can argue over who is more boring as the longest reigning WWE champion.