No Way Out 2012

You see this title? No one is ever going to win it off me... remind you of someone I once claimed was ruining wrestling. That's right folks: you spell hypocrisy h....

Video package: Big Show is an angry giant that likes People Power, it’s a shame Vince slept during that bit. On a side note, I used to think that WWE was about holding the world or heavyweight title but it seems these are mid-card trinkets for those that still focus on wrestling.

World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Does anyone seriously think Ziggler will win this? The man lost PPV after PPV to Rey Mysterio for the intercontinental title and only held this title for half an hour after Edge was unfairly stripped of it. The replay of Ziggler screwing over Swagger perhaps indicates the way in which he can once again lose a title match.

Nearly a repeat of WM28 but Ziggler rolls out of the way. Sheamus uses his power to dominate early while Ziggler attempts a sleeper. Brief offense by Ziggler in the ropes before he is once again rag dolled. Ziggler uses the ring post to get in some head shots and a 2 count. Head stand rear neck and choke: apparently it puts more pressure on Sheamus but Ziggler would need to have the hold on properly for that to occur. Yet another massive DDT for a 2 count on the resilient Sheamus. Ziggler caught holding onto the ropes and yet another head shot for a near fall. Crappy chain wrestling as Ziggler avoids white noise into the zigzag for a 2.5 count. Competing chants with an audible Ziggler chant surprising. Sheamus kicks out of a top rope slam but Ziggler has an injured knee. Irish curse, white noise and a brogue kick for the win!

Winner: Sheamus

“Ziggler was game here tonight.” It’s amazing how many times I have heard that about Ziggler but he is still not a legitimate world champion in any one’s eyes. Dolph looked good losing to Sheamus but he has had so many matches like this that I wonder if anyone will ever buy him winning the title for real. Sheamus looks good as champion and his future match with Del Rio should be interesting.

Big Johnny chatting to Vince about tonight’s main event. Josh gets a mouthful as Big Johnny blows off steam. His red, white and blue suit looks fetching.

Tuxedo Match: Santino vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Santino has a title. Wow! I remember when Benoit had a great series of matches against Booker T for the US title. I think this was the last time the title was relevant.

Suit off in the middle of the ring. Cole is discussing previous tuxedo matches with a mock seriousness. Santino lands a couple of wrestling moves. I wonder, can you use weapons legally? Ricardo’s shoes apparently are the real WMD. Boring chants from the audience, couldn’t agree more folks. Ricardo receives a foot cobra before losing his pants and Santino wins.

Winner: Santino

The less said about this crap the better. I’m glad they didn’t draw it out like Cena’s match last month.

I dig crazy chicks t-shirt worn by Punk. Punk is focused on his title, Bryan and Kane not AJ but she still gives him a kiss anyway. Matt Striker digs this crazy chick it seems.

Intercontinental Match: Christian vs. Cody Rhodes

This is a rematch from last month as they battle for the pride of the title. It should be a good match with two decent technical wrestlers. I love seeing Christian back and he is much better as a face than a heel.

Mistake by Christian on the outside allows Cody to target Christian’s elbow. Ring post into Christian’s face and back to a key lock on the injured elbow. Another hard fall as Christian continues to take a ton of punishment in this match. A massive DDT to Cody on the floor by Christian. Cody rolls through a cross body for a 2 count. Top rope hurricanrana by Christian for a 2 count. Alabama slam stacked up into a 2 count for Cody. Christian calls for a spear so Cody exits the ring. Cody kicks out of the kill switch – do I sense a title change? Series of missed beautiful disaster kicks by Cody and kill switches by Christian leads to a spear for the win.

Winner: Christian

Entertaining and fast paced as you would expect from these two. Good back and forth action with some nice reversals and a clever finish to the match. What does this means for Cody? Probably it is back to the mid-card and obscurity for the formerly dashing one. I hope not because he is a good heel that deserves his spot. Christian rolls on as champion.

Fatal 4 way match to become the #1 Contender for the WWE Tag Team Title: Primo/Epico vs. Kidd/Gabriel vs. O’Neil/Young vs. Usos

I hope this indicates a new seriousness about tag team action but none of these teams are particularly strong. Kidd is good but that was as the new Hart dynasty.

Blind tag for Epico as the Usos continues to dominate. This reminds me of a good fatal 4 way title match at a WM in which Booker T/RVD defended the titles successfully. Gabriel is getting beaten up by all the other teams for a few near falls – I bet it reminds him of his Nexus and Corre days as an underling for Barrett and Punk. Most entertaining thing so far is Rosa dancing – yawn. Things break down leaving Kidd, Young and Primo as only legal men. Hurricanrana by Kidd to Primo onto everyone else was entertaining. O’Neil and Young pull a swift one by screwing Primo/Epico and giving Young the win. AW gets a beat down for his trouble. Young and O’Neil beat down Primo/Epico for their trouble.

Winner: O’Neil/Young

I wonder if I was meant to be shocked by the ending. Maybe if they kept teams together for long enough people would start to care again about the tag division.

HHH speaks: first a recap on Brock breaking HHHs arm, time to play the game, remembering HHHs greatest No Way Out matches as Booker T says even more nice things about him (NB: how could Booker T be watching HHH in the attitude era when WCW was airing live at the same time?), HHH has a real job now with added law suits (funny they have an actual law suit with TNA at the moment), I think HHH wants to fight Brock with his good arm at Summerslam (if only law suits were settled this way in real life: Peter Slipper wrestling for a sexual harassment suit might be a bit awkward though), HHH repeats “let’s fight” over and over before calling Lesnar a quitter, will he accept? Of course, why else would HHH waste my time during this PPV.

AJ chats with Daniel “Yes, yes, yes!” Bryan. A good luck peck on the cheek for him as well.

Divas Title: Layla vs. Beth

Layla spent the match running away and countering Beth’s strength. Beth should have won with a slam but Layla lands a DDT out of nowhere for the win.

Winner: Layla

Beth loses again as she awaits Karma’s return. Hopefully Layla improves so that her chain wrestling looks more convincing.

AJ looks for Kane. A good luck peck on the cheek turns into a make out session. AJ looks a little shaken from the experience (maybe she can speak to Lita about her experience).

I used to wear a mask vs. I still wear a mask match: Hunico vs. Sin Cara

Hunico grounds Sin Cara for the most part and gets a few near falls after power bombs. Sin Cara hits some offense but looks a bit sluggish. Eventually a hurricanrana type move gets the win.

Winner: Sin Cara

Cole calls this a big win. So beating the guy who can beat Ted DiBiase is classed as big now... need to mull that one over a bit.

WWE Championship Match: CM Punk (CMP) vs. Daniel Bryan (DB) vs. Kane (K)

Recap of Over the Limit and Bryan’s rant. Punk digs crazy chicks and AJ likes a bit of Kane. This should be a good match with Punk/Daniel Bryan’s technical skills complemented by Kane’s power. The AJ factor will be interesting but I hope it is not too predictable.

K is out first with his creepy mask on, followed by DB to a giant yes chant and a huge pop for CMP. I can’t stand that they claim he is controversial when he is so corporate now. He is the man he set out to bring down which makes this whole act sad. Main event introductions for the 2 men and the monster. CMP is a clear crowd favourite based on the chants. CMP and DB attack K with kicks in the middle of the ring. Yes/No chants as CMP and DB got at it. Suicide dive by DB onto K on the outside. CMP then follows up with a big cross body. K punished CMP and DB on the outside, stretching CMP’s ribs out on the ring post. K works over CMP’s ribs in the middle of the ring as DB recoups on the outside. DB attacks K and CMP like a dynamo before kicking Ks face off. CMP and K fight to see who will superplex DB off the top rope. DB hits a double drop kick on both of them. CMP gets some brief offense on DB and K. CMP clotheslines DB off K’s shoulders. Macho elbow on DB for a 2 count. K stops the  GTS on DB and takes control of CMP. Flying head but by DB on CMP and low bridges K out of the ring. Yes lock on CMP but roll through doesn’t work this time and turns it into a GTS. K attempts a choke slam but CMP reverses it into a DDT and follows up with another Macho elbow. Failed GTS leads to a choke slam and a 2 count for K. CMP pushes K into AJ. K is distracted by the fallen AJ and a GTS for the 3 count.

Winner: CM Punk

CM Punk complained that WWE was boring because Cena won all the time. Does he realise how boring it is since he wins all the time? Bryan would do well with the title as would Kane. Kane carries out AJ as Punk celebrates. My excitement at Punk’s title reign from last year is now officially over as he has allowed himself to become the boring company man he claimed to detest. Best in the world he may be but can we see someone else for a while.

Squash Match: Ryback vs. Two Singing Dudes

Goldberg... calls one of them stupid. Please end this now. A double Samoan drop by Ryback because he is hungry and it’s all over.

Winner: Ryback

Not sure why this is a PPV match when it is the same as on TV. Can he face a mid-card guy soon?

Steel Cage Match: John Cena (JC) vs. Big Show (BS) (Big Johnny or Cena will be fired)

Recap video that seems very similar to the opening video. Big Johnny is out first followed by Big Show. Vince is out next with a confident swagger. Cena is last out and he repeats the name of the PPV and stipulation for those who didn’t know.

BS lets JC run into him and does himself more damage. BS rag dolls JC around the ring dominating. JC just trying to escape as Cole/Booker discuss TV ratings: best to not mention RAW ratings from a couple of weeks ago then. BS tells JC to quit as he lands heavy body shots over and over. Yawn. BS crotched on the top rope, allowing JC to hit a flying shoulder block. JC fails to escape again. Vader bomb time... JC kicks out at 2. BS misses a top rope elbow on JC. JC stops BS from exiting by the door then vice versa. JC gets a 2 count on BS. Big Johnny and Vince fight on the outside as JC is about to escape. JC kicks out of a choke slam. BS hits a WMD on the referee then a WMD on JC but no one to count it. Brodus Clay with a steel chair wants to welcome BS out of the ring. BSs victims start making their way from the back and get knocked down one by one. Kofi eventually knocks BS off the top rope. JC hits the AA on BS but no referee to count it. JC falls out of the cage as Brodus restrains Big Johnny.

Winner: John Cena

AA to Big Johnny on the table as Vince gives him the big “you’re fired”. A pretty boring match, 2 in a row for Cena, and this stupid series of matches is over. Does this mean Cena can chase the WWE title again? Maybe CM Punk and he can argue over who is more boring as the longest reigning WWE champion.