Summerslam 2012

I wonder if I can actually win a pay-per-view match this year?

Preview

It’s the biggest party of the summer and all we have is a list of party poopers. Lesnar likes to twist people’s arms (literally) to get their attention. CM Punk can’t stand not being the centre of attention and needs to let everyone know why.  Del Rio likes fancy dress parties where he beats up his opponents and wonders why his championship matches get cancelled. Ziggler wants to party with the world title but needs to beat Jericho to prove he is worth all the fuss. And WWE wants us all to remember the great matches of Summerslam past. I’m not looking forward to our main event of Lesnar and HHH but hopefully Ziggler/Jericho makes the night worthwhile.

Dolph Ziggler (DZ) v Chris Jericho (CJ)

Vicky horrifies the crowd with a skin tone tight dress which makes DZ perform a standing lap dance. CJ is out next with heavily taped ribs and a slightly better looking sparkly jacket. DZ attempts to outsmart CJ by running outside the ring but CJ takes control with elbows and a springboard. DZ attacks the ribs before being lifted out of the ring by CJ. CJ misses a springboard kick and allows DZ to attack the injured ribs on the outside. DZ insists on doing more stripper type moves while delivering a neck breaker. CJ rolls up DZ and allows him to launch some offense. Top rope axe handle by CJ but DZ hits a version of the zigzag out of nowhere for a 2 count. DZ counters an attempt to lock him in the walls but falls victim to an inziguri for a 2 count. DZ locks on the sleeper as Vicky gets louder on the outside. CJ lands a hurricanrana off the top rope on DZ but is slow to cover and only gets a 2 count. CJ kicks out at 2 after a snap DDT by DZ. Running bulldog by CJ then DZ gets his knees up on the lionsault and hits the zigzag but only gets a 2 count. Code breaker by CJ but DZ rolls to the outside. Vicky tries to interfere for a roll up pin to DZ but CJ kicks out again. CJ sends DZ into the ring post and makes DZ tap to the walls (more like an old fashioned lion tamer). The commentators claim CJ has won the big one, I wouldn’t go that far but I do like see Y2J finally getting a win at a PPV =)

Winner: Chris Jericho

Shawn Michaels isn’t at Summerslam: he said so on Twitter. Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar talk about changes to the rules for tonight’s match. It’s a fight to the finish: Lesnar will break the spirit of WWE tonight (so I assume he will definitely lose then).

Daniel Bryan (DB) v Kane (K)

No! No! No! DB is out first and gets in the face of some of the fans as yes chants ring around the stadium. K is all dark and fiery with that creepy welding mask of his. Michael Cole factoid: DB has never defeated K one-on-one. K no sells DB kicks before landing a slam and drop kick for a 2 count. DB chant from the crowd. K starts selling some of DBs kicks before just chucking him out of the ring. Suicide dive by DB onto K on the outside. A missile drop kick by DB from the top rope for a 2 count on K. DB takes his anger at the crowd out on Ks chest. Vintage moves by K (slide slam, top rope) but DB escapes the choke slam. K doesn’t appreciate the slap by DB and nearly gets DQed. DB fails to get the no lock on K so he goes to the top rope for a flying head butt. K catches DB with his hand and lands the choke slam instead. K goes for the tombstone but gets rolled up for the 3 count. Another surprise win! First Ziggler loses to Jericho now Kane loses to Bryan. Kane looks really unhappy. In fact, a camera in the back shows Kane destroying the backstage area, Joshua Matthews and anyone else that gets in his way as he looks for Bryan.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio (RM) v The Miz (TM)

RM comes out dressed like a mini-batman. Lawler points out the bleeding obvious film reference for those who didn’t recognise RM’s costume. Awesome! TM’s big awesome letters are back along with his title. I like this new look by TM: harder, edgier and looking much more like main event material. TM over powers RM early but RM gets TM with a baseball slide on the outside. TM uses the opportunity to run RM into the barricade and get a 2 count. TM hits a spinning back breaker type move for a 2 count and continues to punish RM. The gloating Miz gets crotched by RM, allowing RM to land some offense but is caught with a power bomb. RM gets a 2 count with a spinning DDT on TM. Back and forth before RM lands the 619 but TM rolls out of the top rope splash. RM rolls TM up but only gets a 2. TM drops RM on the turnbuckle and lands the skull crushing finale to retain the title. I’d glad I don’t do predictions as again I am surprised by this result. Nice to see the WWE let Miz keep the title so that it can build some prestige again.

Winner: The Miz

Teddy is just leaving after visiting AJ Lee and says nice things about her but Eve clearly thinks otherwise. CM Punk goes in to see AJ and whinges about the triple threat match rules again. AJ Lee seems to tune out of the conversation about half way through and Punk claims that he will prove that they need to respect him by winning tonight.

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio (ADR) v Sheamus (S)

A highlight package about the on again, off again championship match. ADR comes out in a Ferrari as Ricardo holds the Albertoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo for a bit longer than usual. Cole tells us how much ADR owns in Mexico. Seems S likes ADR’s new Ferrari as well. Both men grapple aggressively in the corners before taking it to the outside. ADR catches S with a head kick as he re-enters the ring but S gets a cover after a neck breaker. ADR exposes the turn buckle while S tries to take him out of the corner. S misses with the brogue kick and ADR low kicks S to the outside. ADR sends S into the ring steps and then hits a top rope axe handle for a 2 count. ADR controls S with further kicks to the head and legs. Either ADR is frustrated or is blowing hard too early on for a main event. ADR misses a brogue kick of his own but S runs shoulder first into the ring post. ADR hits a top rope move on S’s arm but only gets a 2 count. ADR locks on the cross-arm breaker in the middle of the ring but S powers ADR up for a slam (very super-Cena like). S hits white noise for a 2 count. ADR avoids the brogue kick again but gets the famous slaps on the outside of the ring. ADR drops S on the exposed turn buckle and only gets a 2 count after the inziguri. S uses Ricardo’s shoe to attack ADR before hitting the Irish cure back breaker for a 3 count, knocking ADR’s foot off the rope before the referee can see it. Lawler gloats that S stole one and ADR is livid. ADR won’t leave the ring after being cost the world title.

Winner: Sheamus

Video of HHH telling the referee that this is basically a no count out, no DQ match. Something about a Twitter war and Shawn Michaels can’t stay off Twitter either.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Kofi/Truth (K/T) v Darren Young/Titus O’Neil (Y/O) [The Prime Time Players ]

T and Y start things off. T dominates early but Y tags in O as he further punishes T. K tagged in and hits the boom drop. Distraction by Y allows O to recover and they punish K on the outside. Double team on K as Y gets a 2 count. K has the crowd on his side but then again these are the same people who started a Lil Jimmy chant. K can’t escape his opponent’s corner and O puts an abdominal stretch on K. K counters with a DDT and both K and O tag out. T dominates Y and gets a 2 count broken by O. K lands a cross body on O the outside and Y nearly gets a roll up. T eventually lands his finisher to pick up the victory and retain the titles. Another win for the baby faces!

Winner: Kofi/Truth

WWE in LA being nice to the fans, sick children and people who are bullied. Thank you LA!

WWE Championship: Big Show (BS) v John Cena (JC) v CM Punk (CP)

Let’s relive the Punk reign as WWE champion: matches, complaining and (shock, horror) him turning on the WWE universe. Punk has respect issues with Cena and AJ, will they be resolved tonight? JC is out first to big boos by the fans. This is either a really long match or we have more filler matches as the PPV has over an hour to go and I can’t see Lesnar/HHH going that long. Lawler respects JC and his t-shirts. BS is out next and he looks deadly serious tonight. Michael Cole factoid: BS has held every active championship, favourite for this match and CP does not to be pinned to lose the title. CP comes out (274 days as champion and counting, 13^th longest reign) to a big crowd reaction. Is he meant to be a face or a heel? His reaction indicates the former although the WWE seem to be trying push him as the latter. CP is decked out in pink reminiscent of Bret “Hitman” Hart. Michael Cole factoid: CP has not been in the main event in a PPV since December despite being champion! BS just man handles JC and CP in the early stages (slap, slam, squash etc.). CP takes out BS’s legs and follows up with some kicks. CP goes for an early GTS on BS but is slapped down for his trouble so JC shows him how it’s done but CP knocks both JC and BS down. Repeat of the opening of the match with BS focusing on CP after knocking JC out of the ring. BS loads the WMD but JC interferes and is speared for his troubles. Just a thought: time for Ziggler to cash in his MIB briefcase after this match? It would make sense since he lost earlier on. BS lands a splash on JC but the pin is broken up by CP. BS goes to the outside since he knocked his two opponents there and inflicts further punishment. BS focuses on JC in the ring. JC hits a side suplex on BS but CP interrupts. CP hits the Macho Man elbow on BS for a 1.5 count. CP locks a submission hold on BS but the hold is quickly broken. JC locks the STF on BS but again BS powers out of the move. Flying forearm by CP on BS followed by 3 high running knees but BS powers out of the bulldog. Top rope leg drop by JC and CP locks in the anaconda vice. JC is then really stupid and locks in the STF AT THE SAME TIME! The referee then joins the stupidity and rings the bell despite there being no clear winner. AJ comes out and JC/CP both plead their cases, which includes using tweets. AJ surprises no one by restarting the match. Double choke slam by BS and gets a 2 count first on JC then CP. BS goes for the WMD but JC lands the AA. CP throws JC out of the ring and steals the 3 count. Winner and still champion Punk! Am I surprised? No but I am so disappointed. The boring reign of Punk continues and so he will climb further up the rank of longest WWE championship reigns. CP celebrates in JCs face as JC encourages CP to enjoy it. Can someone please knock this guy out so Ziggler can cash in MIB... this is getting frustrating. Heel CP then laps up the crowd’s adoration like a heel is meant to (LOL, go WWE!). A predictably boring match with a predictable ending for this now boring title reign: I hate to repeat myself but the energy and freshness that Punk brought to the WWE title is now utterly wasted. An attempt to turn Punk heel is failing because he still gets a face response and even his ring attire looks like a face. Moving the title onto Cena will only make people even more annoyed as it goes from the new boring eternal champion to the old boring eternal champion. WWE screwed up Jericho’s return and a chance for a good series of matches between Punk/Jericho and an entertaining title picture. They then screwed up the Bryan/Punk series by just making Bryan lose 3 times in a row. Now, I don’t really care who fights Punk because I won’t expect them to win and the guy who will probably beat him is Cena.

Winner: CM Punk

Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the US Title. Kevin Rudolf (don’t give up) plays that bloody song (don’t look down) that I’ve heard 10,000 times tonight (don’t give up) to a flat crowd (don’t look down). Dancing Divas make (don’t give up) the song more bearable (don’t look down) but not by much (don’t give up). Michael Cole dancing (don’t look down) on the other hand was (don’t give up) more amusing (don’t look down). I didn’t realise how repetitive this song was.  

Brock Lesnar (BL) v Triple H (HHH)

BL is out first and Lawler thinks he looks less intense than usual. HHH is out next to a huge pop. Michael Cole factoid: this might be the most personal match in HHH’s life – just like his match against Undertaker, Rand Orton and anyone else he has fought in the last 3 years. Shawn Michaels is still on Twitter apparently. Spot lights for the main event participants during the announcements. BL backs HHH into the corner and tries to apply the chimora lock. HHH knocks BL outside of the ring, lands a high knee and then knocks him out of the ring again. BL loses the gloves (the gloves are off!) and takes down HHH and punches him in the back of the head. HHH and BL fight near the announce table. BL slams HHH onto the table with a key lock, damaging the injured arm that has been the focus on the chimora lock. HHH makes his way back to the ring and gets slammed on his bad arm again. BL wraps the arm around the ropes and punishes him with kicks in the corner. HHH can only manage some kicks before BL goes back to the arm. This reminds me of the Cena match from earlier this year so I will predict Lesnar will beat up HHH for most of the match but lose to a pedigree in 5 moves. BL hits a German suplex on HHH but HHH slingshots BL on the top rope. DDT and kicks by HHH but BL just goes back to the arm. Outside the ring, BL throws HHH into the steel steps and then kidney first into the Spanish announcers table. BL launches himself off the table onto HHH on the barricade. Clothesline to HHH as BL just smiles at his dominance. HHH blocks then reverses a suplex and BL runs into the turnbuckle. HHH thrown into the turnbuckle and he tumbles out of the ring so BL follows. BL launched into the announce table as he looks winded. Heyman asks is BL is hurt and BL complains of a hurt stomach so HHH attacks him in this area again. Michael Cole factoid: Lesnar has an issue of stomach issues over the years. BL is selling this stomach injury well as HHH turns the tables (lawsuit?). AA spine buster by HHH on BL leads to the pedigree and a kick out at 2. Low blow by BL and Heyman demands the referee not DQ the match. F5 on HHH but only gets a 2 count. Chimora lock near the ropes but HHH breaks the hold with some kidney shots. 2^nd pedigree, as HHH goes for the pin though BL puts on the chimora lock and HHH taps out. Once again I thought HHH would win this match but Lesnar wins by submission. Heyman proves again why he is so good in wrestling: despite not being involved physically his presence was gold. HHH rejects medical assistance as Lesnar gloats at the top of the ramp. Lawler thinks HHH has a ‘broken arm’ but HHH staggers to his feet and tries to leave under his own steam. You tapped out chant by the crowd as HHH finally rises – harsh crowd tonight. HHH apologises to the fans (sorry: WWE universe) as he soaks up the crowd chants. Michael Cole factoid: “You’ve got to wonder: is this the end of HHH?” Lawler: “I think he just said goodbye.”

Winner: Brock Lesnar

All up, the main event was better than expected and many of the results seemed out of the ordinary for WWE. Good to see Bryan, Jericho, Miz and Lesnar get wins but again Punk retains the title. The triple threat for the WWE title had a predictable if stupid ending and one wonders how much farther Punk’s title reign will last. Looks like Jericho got a farewell win on PPV before he leaves for Fozzy’s tour. Bryan got a nice win and will probably have to face Kane again next PPV. Miz looked good in defeating Mysterio and would do well with a nice long title reign to re-establish himself in WWE. Sheamus cheated to win: good move for a face. The tag team titles remain on the non-existent champions who never win on free to air. Cena beat Show but Punk picked up the win to retain the title: so he’s a heel because he cheats to win but everyone still cheers him over Cena and Show. This indicates that WWE failed to push Punk when he was hot and will now use a series of lame endings in order to make him a heel so Cena will be welcomed back as champion. Finally, Lesnar defeated HHH in a surprisingly entertaining match but how many times can HHH retire? I thought he retired after losing at WM. Maybe he is truly Ric Flair’s heir in this respect too =)