One of the most common complaints about Total Non-stop Action (TNA) wrestling is the ridiculously overbooked nature of its pay-per-views and main events. In fact, after subjecting myself to watching the main event from its Wrestlemania equivalent, Bound for Glory, I can understand why.
In brief, after having won through at least 2 previous matches, the challenger Rhyno (Ex-WWE and now mid-card jobber at TNA) faced champion Jeff Jarrett (Ex-WWE and now owner, eternal champion and heel of TNA) in the main event of the evening. If it seemed improbable that he would win anyway, Jarrett had no matches previously, they stacked the deck even further by getting all five henchmen, including the again WWE beauty Gail Kim, of his to attack Rhyno during the match. Then to top everything off, Rhyno won the match and vanquished the evil Jarrett.
Now if this kind of scenario sounds ridiculous and improbable: you’re right. If you dismiss it as just wrestling: you’re wrong. The point is that while you suspend your belief to a certain extent when watching sports entertainment, you still want the storyline of the match to be somewhat logical. If the match fails to have a logical conclusion then you are left confused and wishing you had spent your hard earned dollars elsewhere. And just to prove that WWE has its share of overbooking, I give you the example of Orton vs. Batista at Cyber Sunday.
In this match, the super-heel Randy Orton was champion against the super-face Batista. Orton had found every way to retain his title: count-out, disqualification and outside interference; so to even the score they orchestrated it so that Stone Cold Steve Austin (the ultimate face champion) would be special guest referee and ensure a fair result. After a typical beginning and middle of the match, the main event ended in farce after multiple run ins eventually saw Batista once again become champion. First, Shawn Michaels cost Orton the match due to his long running feud, Shawn was then attacked by his new opponent JBL and finally Stone Cold attacked Orton handing Batista the title. Now if this sounds confusing, imaging watching the match! Even worse, the faces (Stone Cold and Batista) were both out of character by cheating to win – something really only the heel should do.
Now, this has not always been the case. For instance, re-watching Michael’s classic ladder match at Wrestlemania X against Razor Ramon and his WWE championship match against Chris Jericho last year, I was reminded of how a few spots and good old fashioned wrestling can make for a classic. In both these matches, the wrestlers utilised their environment just enough to ensure that the stipulation (a ladder) was worthwhile but focused on telling a good story that drew in the viewer. Moreover, Michael’s played a heel in one match and a face in the other, thus showing it can be done as either a crowd favourite or crowd target. In particular, both matches avoided the fate of overbooking and instead had a well paced and satisfying ending.
However, while overbooking can be bad, under-booking is just as bad. Just ask anyone who saw Orton vs. HHH at Wrestlemania XXV this year (a match I still haven’t watched due to the horrendous reviews), where after months of the McMahon family being tortured and beaten by Orton and Legacy, not a single person interfered in the match that turned out to be torture for its sere lack of excitement. Thus, in this case, more booking was needed to draw the feud to a satisfying ending rather than prolong it for the next pay-per-view.
To finish off, I’ll give you a list of some of the most overly booked matches of all time:
Hart vs. Yokozuna into Hogan vs. Yokozuna – WWE Championship
Orton vs. Batista – Cyber Sunday
Rock and the Nation vs. HHH and DX – Intercontinental Title
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sandra Hall and the curse of poor movie reviews
One of my favorite past times has been sitting down on a Saturday afternoon and reading the weekend papers, in particular the arts section and its movie reviews. In fact, I used to turn with keen interest to the reviews of Byrne and Stratton and find out what the latest batch of box office movies had to offer. Their insightful and often amusing reviews not only gave me a good idea of what I would be spending my money on but also develop my knowledge of the industry but giving important background information on the directors and stars. Moreover, the reviews themselves didn’t simply give a plot by plot summary of the film but actually mixed their personal opinion with a well developed analysis of the films genre, acting, directing and cinematography.
Unfortunately this is no longer the case.
Over the past year the quality of film reviews has deteriorated into plot summaries mixed in with the complaints of reviewers and their self-obsessed personal tastes. Quite simply: they no longer review films but simply vent about how the films aren’t to their own personal taste. Now this of itself is not a problem, an objective review is boring and lacks engagement. However, when a review is completely dominated by personal opinion it fails in its purpose in helping the reader decide whether to spend their hard earned money on it.
The main reason for this is that my personal taste often doesn’t coincide with that of the reviewer. Therefore, unless the reviewer and I happen to have similar personal tastes I am hamstring by reviews that have no meaning for me. But the problem is this: a movie reviewer’s job is to review the film for everyone NOT just themselves. Hence, it is the job of the reviewer to provide enough information and analysis of the film to help the reader decide whether it is suitable for them. They need to be able to look outside their narrow view of the world and endeavor to convey the essence of the film to a generic viewer.
A fine example of this self-obsessed reviewing style was on show this weekend with Sandra Hall’s review of the new horror film Paranormal Activity. Her review consisted solely of a diatribe against Blair Witch Project and similar style films along with a rant against my generation of film makers and their ambition to make it in Hollywood. Now this would have been okay if she bothered to justify this comment with relation to the film. However, she singled out only one complaint about the film and devoted only a single paragraph to discussing the demerits of the film. This was self-obsessed reviewing at its worst and is reason enough to sack this talentless hack and hope that she never gets a published review in a newspaper ever again.
Moreover, this is not the first occasion that Sandra Hall has done this. Like Miranda Devine, she often just blurts out her own personal opinions and often forgets that people may have a contrary review or even, this will come as a shock to her, appreciate films and genres that she may not. In fact, I often avoid her film reviews because they are so horrendous.
So to all the film reviewers out there: pick up your game and start writing proper reviews. I want your considered opinion not your own personal rants.
Unfortunately this is no longer the case.
Over the past year the quality of film reviews has deteriorated into plot summaries mixed in with the complaints of reviewers and their self-obsessed personal tastes. Quite simply: they no longer review films but simply vent about how the films aren’t to their own personal taste. Now this of itself is not a problem, an objective review is boring and lacks engagement. However, when a review is completely dominated by personal opinion it fails in its purpose in helping the reader decide whether to spend their hard earned money on it.
The main reason for this is that my personal taste often doesn’t coincide with that of the reviewer. Therefore, unless the reviewer and I happen to have similar personal tastes I am hamstring by reviews that have no meaning for me. But the problem is this: a movie reviewer’s job is to review the film for everyone NOT just themselves. Hence, it is the job of the reviewer to provide enough information and analysis of the film to help the reader decide whether it is suitable for them. They need to be able to look outside their narrow view of the world and endeavor to convey the essence of the film to a generic viewer.
A fine example of this self-obsessed reviewing style was on show this weekend with Sandra Hall’s review of the new horror film Paranormal Activity. Her review consisted solely of a diatribe against Blair Witch Project and similar style films along with a rant against my generation of film makers and their ambition to make it in Hollywood. Now this would have been okay if she bothered to justify this comment with relation to the film. However, she singled out only one complaint about the film and devoted only a single paragraph to discussing the demerits of the film. This was self-obsessed reviewing at its worst and is reason enough to sack this talentless hack and hope that she never gets a published review in a newspaper ever again.
Moreover, this is not the first occasion that Sandra Hall has done this. Like Miranda Devine, she often just blurts out her own personal opinions and often forgets that people may have a contrary review or even, this will come as a shock to her, appreciate films and genres that she may not. In fact, I often avoid her film reviews because they are so horrendous.
So to all the film reviewers out there: pick up your game and start writing proper reviews. I want your considered opinion not your own personal rants.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Two Poems
This poem was inspired by my observations as I waited for the bus this morning:
Outside the Menzies, Morning, December 2009
Foreign (?) beauties
congregate in a gaggle
around the plain airport bus.
Unheard conversations in foreign (?) tongue
and mysterious black handbags
accompany their uniform flight luggage
and immaculate uniform.
The tight buns of hair;
unwrinkled, sleek skirts and
perfectly made up of faces.
What do they hide?
What secret world of
air travel do they contain?
My bus arrives: uniformed,
wrinkled, paisley shirt and
unkempt, unruly hair - my
departure time has arrived
No mystery or surprise
this morning - just another daily grind.
If only my flight was
as exciting as their.
This poem was written as I sat with my class this morning on the lawn:
The Primary Tree
I wandered lonely though the grounds
Weaving amongst the playing throng
Carrying a blazer for lost and found
Wondering why it felt all wrong
When I sited standing tall, bright
A tree of such tremendous might.
Standing strong amongst the host
Its branches lush and green
It keeps its counsel: secure, close
Unambitious, fading into the busy scene
I wonder how long it stood in place
How many students have seen its face?
How long will it survive this well?
How many years will it see?
Will it survive redevelopment hell?
Will it witness a future 7P?
For now I see no end
Its untimely death I cannot comprehend
For once I return to cool staffroom
And sit in front of glaring screen
Waiting for a bell that goes too soon
To face a class not too keen
I will think back to her solid stance
And wish I was back in her enchanting trance.
Outside the Menzies, Morning, December 2009
Foreign (?) beauties
congregate in a gaggle
around the plain airport bus.
Unheard conversations in foreign (?) tongue
and mysterious black handbags
accompany their uniform flight luggage
and immaculate uniform.
The tight buns of hair;
unwrinkled, sleek skirts and
perfectly made up of faces.
What do they hide?
What secret world of
air travel do they contain?
My bus arrives: uniformed,
wrinkled, paisley shirt and
unkempt, unruly hair - my
departure time has arrived
No mystery or surprise
this morning - just another daily grind.
If only my flight was
as exciting as their.
This poem was written as I sat with my class this morning on the lawn:
The Primary Tree
I wandered lonely though the grounds
Weaving amongst the playing throng
Carrying a blazer for lost and found
Wondering why it felt all wrong
When I sited standing tall, bright
A tree of such tremendous might.
Standing strong amongst the host
Its branches lush and green
It keeps its counsel: secure, close
Unambitious, fading into the busy scene
I wonder how long it stood in place
How many students have seen its face?
How long will it survive this well?
How many years will it see?
Will it survive redevelopment hell?
Will it witness a future 7P?
For now I see no end
Its untimely death I cannot comprehend
For once I return to cool staffroom
And sit in front of glaring screen
Waiting for a bell that goes too soon
To face a class not too keen
I will think back to her solid stance
And wish I was back in her enchanting trance.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
New Moon – The Deleted Scene
The following was a scene deleted from the crappy new Twilight film New Moon
EXT – CINEMA – NIGHT
The scene is a relatively busy street on a Friday night with young people and couples leaving and entering a cinema playing New Moon. The camera slowly focuses in on a beaten up red ute containing SAM, BELLA and JACOB. BELLA is dressed all in black and looking distractedly into space. JACOB is dressed in shorts and a check short sleeve shirt and stares longingly at BELLA. JACOB is also in shorts and a check shirt but looks aggressive and pensive. Tight zoom to frame only BELLA and JACOB.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know if I can go through with this…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he’s gone… my heart feels like it’s been ripped out and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) if I can (Pause) go to the movies tonight.
JACOB: You need to make up your mind to go to the movies (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just get out of the bloody car!
BELLA, JACOB and SAM exit the car just as it starts to pour down with rain. As they walk over to the cinema, JACOB and SAM suddenly rip of their shirts to reveal ripped bodies and six packs. BELLA does a double take at the pair and shrug her shoulders before continuing on.
INT – CINEMA – NIGHT
BELLA, JACOB and SAM stand in a crowded ticket line as My Chemical Romance plays over the stereo and people move to and from cinemas and the candy bar.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know what…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he left… my life has been so empty and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) what (Pause) movie we are going to see.
JACOB: You need to make up your mind about which film to see tonight (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just decide on the bloody movie!
JACOB: So Bella, do you want to see that new action film Rocky?
BELLA: I was thinking more of that other one New Moon.
EDWARD shimmers next to BELLA in the line.
EDWARD: What are you doing?
BELLA is visibly shaken: I just…
EDWARD: I thought you wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks.
BELLA: But since you’ve been gone…
EDWARD: Why are you risking it all?
BELLA: It’s just a film…
EDWARD shimmers into nothing leaving BELLA shaken and crying.
JACOB: Bella, Bella, tell me what’s wrong.
BELLA: Nothing, I just though I saw Ed-
JACOB aside: Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
SAM (thoughtfully): How about we see the documentary on the life of migratory sea birds of the Artic?
JACOB exploding in anger: How dare you!
JACOB turns into a wolf and lunges at SAM who also turns into a wolf. They battle across the cinema foyer destroying movie posters, chairs and the candy bar. BELLA looks on but just shrugs her shoulders and continues to wait in line. The fight ends and JACOB and SAM rejoin the queue, walking past the trashed cinema props.
SAM: So its New Moon then brother.
JACOB: It seems so. Maybe we can see the documentary on the life of migratory sea birds of the Arctic at another time.
BELLA: It’s just that…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he’s gone… I can’t get him out of my head and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) if I (Pause) brought my wallet from the ute.
JACOB: You need to bring your wallet back from the ute (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just buy the bloody tickets!
INT – CINEMA – NIGHT
BELLA, JACOB and SAM sit in a crowded cinema as the film is playing. Indistinct dialogue can be heard as the audience is seen violently throwing popcorn and drinks at the screen while booing.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know what…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he left… the films have seemed so meaningless and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) why (Pause) we keep watching this crap film.
EDWARD shimmers next to BELLA in the line.
EDWARD: I told you not to see the film.
BELLA is visibly shaken: I just…
EDWARD: I warned you that it was crap.
BELLA: But since you’ve left…
EDWARD: Why don’t you pay attention to my movie reviews on Twitter?
BELLA: I just thought that…
EDWARD shimmers into nothing leaving BELLA shaken and crying.
JACOB: You need to decide whether to stay until the end of the film (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can you both just shut up while I watch the movie!
BELLA: I’m leaving, New Moon sucks and I want my money back.
JACOB: Bella, I have to tell you something…
BELLA waits breathlessly eying his six-pack while keeping half an eye on the film.
JACOB: It’s about Edward…
BELLA: What! Have you heard –?
JACOB: He can’t love you like I can Bella.
BELLA: But since he’s…
JACOB exploding into anger: All you ever talk about is since he’s been gone. For goodness sakes get over it woman and move on with your life.
BELLA: But Jacob-
JACOB: Do you think I rip my shirt off and do all these stomach crunches for laughs Bella. My God you are so selfish!
BELLA shrinks back into her seat: It’s not that I-
JACOB: Don’t love me! Oh I know all about that sister. Well you know what you can do with your love…
BELLA: Please Jacob don’t be mad. It’s always been about Edward, you have to know that.
JACOB: Brother, that’s the final straw. Let’s get some dinner.
JACOB and SAM turn into wolves and devour BELLA as the audience continues to vent its anger at the movie on the screen.
EXT – CINEMA – NIGHT
The scene is a relatively busy street on a Friday night with young people and couples leaving and entering a cinema playing New Moon. The camera slowly focuses in on a beaten up red ute containing SAM, BELLA and JACOB. BELLA is dressed all in black and looking distractedly into space. JACOB is dressed in shorts and a check short sleeve shirt and stares longingly at BELLA. JACOB is also in shorts and a check shirt but looks aggressive and pensive. Tight zoom to frame only BELLA and JACOB.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know if I can go through with this…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he’s gone… my heart feels like it’s been ripped out and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) if I can (Pause) go to the movies tonight.
JACOB: You need to make up your mind to go to the movies (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just get out of the bloody car!
BELLA, JACOB and SAM exit the car just as it starts to pour down with rain. As they walk over to the cinema, JACOB and SAM suddenly rip of their shirts to reveal ripped bodies and six packs. BELLA does a double take at the pair and shrug her shoulders before continuing on.
INT – CINEMA – NIGHT
BELLA, JACOB and SAM stand in a crowded ticket line as My Chemical Romance plays over the stereo and people move to and from cinemas and the candy bar.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know what…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he left… my life has been so empty and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) what (Pause) movie we are going to see.
JACOB: You need to make up your mind about which film to see tonight (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just decide on the bloody movie!
JACOB: So Bella, do you want to see that new action film Rocky?
BELLA: I was thinking more of that other one New Moon.
EDWARD shimmers next to BELLA in the line.
EDWARD: What are you doing?
BELLA is visibly shaken: I just…
EDWARD: I thought you wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks.
BELLA: But since you’ve been gone…
EDWARD: Why are you risking it all?
BELLA: It’s just a film…
EDWARD shimmers into nothing leaving BELLA shaken and crying.
JACOB: Bella, Bella, tell me what’s wrong.
BELLA: Nothing, I just though I saw Ed-
JACOB aside: Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
SAM (thoughtfully): How about we see the documentary on the life of migratory sea birds of the Artic?
JACOB exploding in anger: How dare you!
JACOB turns into a wolf and lunges at SAM who also turns into a wolf. They battle across the cinema foyer destroying movie posters, chairs and the candy bar. BELLA looks on but just shrugs her shoulders and continues to wait in line. The fight ends and JACOB and SAM rejoin the queue, walking past the trashed cinema props.
SAM: So its New Moon then brother.
JACOB: It seems so. Maybe we can see the documentary on the life of migratory sea birds of the Arctic at another time.
BELLA: It’s just that…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he’s gone… I can’t get him out of my head and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) if I (Pause) brought my wallet from the ute.
JACOB: You need to bring your wallet back from the ute (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can we just buy the bloody tickets!
INT – CINEMA – NIGHT
BELLA, JACOB and SAM sit in a crowded cinema as the film is playing. Indistinct dialogue can be heard as the audience is seen violently throwing popcorn and drinks at the screen while booing.
BELLA: I just (Pause) don’t know what…
JACOB: What? (Turning earnestly to BELLA) Is there…
BELLA: Since he left… the films have seemed so meaningless and…
JACOB: Bella (Grabbing her hand) I will wait as long as…
BELLA: I just don’t know (Sobbing) why (Pause) we keep watching this crap film.
EDWARD shimmers next to BELLA in the line.
EDWARD: I told you not to see the film.
BELLA is visibly shaken: I just…
EDWARD: I warned you that it was crap.
BELLA: But since you’ve left…
EDWARD: Why don’t you pay attention to my movie reviews on Twitter?
BELLA: I just thought that…
EDWARD shimmers into nothing leaving BELLA shaken and crying.
JACOB: You need to decide whether to stay until the end of the film (Aside) Damn you Edward, damn you and your blood sucking family.
CUT to SAM (angrily): Can you both just shut up while I watch the movie!
BELLA: I’m leaving, New Moon sucks and I want my money back.
JACOB: Bella, I have to tell you something…
BELLA waits breathlessly eying his six-pack while keeping half an eye on the film.
JACOB: It’s about Edward…
BELLA: What! Have you heard –?
JACOB: He can’t love you like I can Bella.
BELLA: But since he’s…
JACOB exploding into anger: All you ever talk about is since he’s been gone. For goodness sakes get over it woman and move on with your life.
BELLA: But Jacob-
JACOB: Do you think I rip my shirt off and do all these stomach crunches for laughs Bella. My God you are so selfish!
BELLA shrinks back into her seat: It’s not that I-
JACOB: Don’t love me! Oh I know all about that sister. Well you know what you can do with your love…
BELLA: Please Jacob don’t be mad. It’s always been about Edward, you have to know that.
JACOB: Brother, that’s the final straw. Let’s get some dinner.
JACOB and SAM turn into wolves and devour BELLA as the audience continues to vent its anger at the movie on the screen.
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